10 am...oops ,i was supposed to be waiting outside at 10 !!... i've done the sleeping business again...proud sb, ain't i ?

the fastest at getting ready... not to compromise on a quick cup of coffee... (or chocolate milk ,was it...considering i was out of milk yesterday ?)... rushed out to check my voicemail...

"the twinkle of bells" ... .. "barathi, sekhar chithappa here... i am waiting outside your house...just reached ..."

the pleasure of meeting an estranged uncle after years... ... the hug... the very familiar hug...(appa, he's your brother indeed...in more ways than one!) ... "Ok...i've some chocolates for you.. " and there he hands this huge packet of chocolates... I wonder ,"he met me when I was four or five... and he's brought chocolates for that very kid... a supply that would make any kid believe in instant salvation..."

A cute little (cute,really... not the typical "girlish" cute) car... maps and all that... headed to Santa Barbara...:)...

the day was perfect... a sheet of mist over every thing on this part of the planet..frost-covered mountains... the sea hiding behind a film of chilled air... shades of grey and a reluctant blue on the one side...and green and yellow ,masked in grey and white on the other...

A Spanish town... Spanish architecture... the typical roofs... brick houses on rounded hills... flowers of a million shades... a chapel in every street corner...

The State Street... exuding a spirit of informality and class... fun and peace... bustling with activity... but having its easy,lazy accent too...

The Stearns Wharff... the sight of a million yachts, sailboats...the harbour...the smell of fish and chips in the air... write-ups about the Moby Dick ... happy people lazing away on the pier... a few eating on those moist,wooden benches.. another portion getting ready with their rafts and sailing boards and what not...:)...man, it makes me feel like a useless creature who can't swim... how else am I going to indulge in sailing and surfing..?

"Chithappa..there is a sea lion cruise for twenty five minutes..can we go on that ?...I've never been ON the ocean, per se..."....a hearty laugh..."sure...va". "a twenty five minute tour... that's going to be the fastest trip one can make on the Ocean...he's probably going to show us three to four sea lions ,circle around some boey a few times and bring us back"... I LOVED every part of it....the ocean at such a proximity... the very same ocean that's been serenading me for the past 3-4 months...

Back...time for food !!!!! ... "The Taj"...on the State Street...ahhhhh....amazing food. period.

More glimpses of the dear little city...with a marked Spanish influence...nuggets of wisdom and information from this man by my side who has travelled extensively ... food for thought for the language lover... "Spanish,as spoken in Argentina... has these components... but if you go to Spain..."...
"El Segundo...La Premera..."...

The Mission Church. I went in to have a peek. A mass was going on. I stood against the wall..at the very end...for those two minutes, I don't know what happened... my day was made. Smell of a certain incense...neatly arranged colourful flowers... people,with their heads bowed down in prayer... to say anything more about those precious moments would be to undermine their profundity and importance... my heart knew peace,after eons.

I thought of my mother a million times during this journey... a MILLION times... the freedom she's given me... the motivation she's given me to "JUST GO AHEAD and do what she couldn't..."... to choose the life I wanted to (and want to) in every possible way... her unconditional support - the kind I'd credit no one else with... her faith in God... a 7/11 on the way... "special flowers for..."... and I realized ...a welcome surprise to this head which had to think of her on this particular day...

A lot more to write about..but I don't feel like writing about the rest now. tata.

khamosh raat...

God...give me the power to complete this one...
and do my desperate best in "curve fitting" ...
in terms of my desperate attempt at description...

dark chocolate... green,with colourless beads of moisture on it...
glistening in the yellow light
diffused as ever...
in the confused medium...

shades of black obscured by white...
slopes that were too shy
hiding behind curtains of mist...

a meandering road...

I GIVE UP... communicated the rest to a friend. Ab bas. Shesh hoye gache.

Ok..that's it.

Ya, so it is.

Or maybe a hot shot of caffeine it is.

Or maybe lofty ambitions...

Or maybe "whatever"


Adi patta puli, perhaps ?

"No more shit". NO MORE SHIT.

delays...

in reading what I should have read earlier...
deriving a vague sense of empathy...

in having a tete-a-tete with a friend here
in deciding to "be myself" in the city of angels

in admitting to my huge appetite for challenges
in admitting to my desperation for "breaking free"
in admitting to my desperate need to change...

in admitting to my inordinate ability to give
and in admitting to my high expectations from life
in admitting to the equation : expectation spectrum as large as the " giving spectrum"
and deriving comfort from the fact

in admitting to my feelings of the past
in admitting to getting up and changing the way things are
in admitting to some people being lower and some higher
and me where I am
in admitting to me not being alone in my struggle
in admitting to me being alone in my struggle, at the same time

in enjoying a lovely evening by the beach yesterday
watching the sun disappearing behind the mountains
towards India...
in having a nice dinner at an Indian restaurant...
and following it up with an awesome ride
right down to Malibu,along the Pacific coast... (again)
a very refreshing conversation...
Beethoven and Chopin to give us company
in addition to the silhouttes of the mountains...

btw, my heart lies in India...
and that's the pleasant discovery of the day :D.

a maze...

sick...

tired...

disturbed...

confused...

wistful... and
pointing a finger at God...

why ?

Dawn. .

it has begun.

as the mist clears.
daylight streams in.

today's the day.
happy.eager.

back to the top of the cliff.
feet welded to the ground - hence no falling.
wings have replaced them - its just flight now
soaring in the skies...

angels shall fly with me.

for those who know what this means
and what their lovely contribution has been ,i'm sure they know i owe them a lifetime's loyalty.

as for those who don't, its ok...:). this is just a general blog :).